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Depression Q & A: Am I running out of time?

We are continuing with our weekly segment answering your questions about depression, anxiety, phobia and general life-problem. For this edition, we are responding to viewer questions about time-related stress , Youtube and Email. In the future, we hope to answer your questions, so please contact us via email (info@crossculturetherapy.com) or any of our social media accounts. All questions will be answered without using your name for reasons of anonymity.





Viewer Question

Hi, my name is Blank. I am a 34 year old man living in Arlington, Virginia. My most recent long-term relationship ended 4 years ago, when my long-distance girlfriend and I split up. She had moved to another country for work and I continued to live in Phoenix where I am originally from. When our relationship ended, I decided to move to Arlington for a fresh start. I have some relatives in the area so I wasn’t completely alone when I moved in but I’ve had a tough time finding friends and dating. I don’t really enjoy going clubbing anymore and in any case I don’t feel comfortable doing it alone. Tinder and other dating apps have also not worked out for me. I feel a growing anxiety due to my age. As I said, I am 34 years old with no network in the area and no prospect of getting into a relationship anytime soon. I know this shouldn’t be a priority in my life but I really want children. I am scared that I will never be able to get children. I feel as if online dating has made people more picky and impatient. Having said that, I don’t think that I would ever meet my ideal person there. I know that I won’t necessarily be able to get my dream woman but I want to think that it is a possibility. Now I feel like it isn’t and it gets me really depressed. At the same time, I don’t feel like moving back to Phoenix would work for me as most of the people I knew who lived there had moved away long before I did. What should I do? 

Answer

Hi Blank!

I think a lot of people can relate to the content of your email. Nowadays we tend to marry and have children later in life. Some of us do so because they want to prioritise other aspects of their life such as their career or because they want the freedom to travel. There are also a lot of people who delay having a child until they are financially and emotionally ready for one.

For my main piece of advice in regards to your question, I want to refer to the quote above. Think for a while about the absurdity of mother nature working on father time’s schedule and the thought of apples falling off of trees on a strict schedule. Nature waits until the conditions are right and so must you. Don’t worry about your age. Instead try to live life in a way that can improve your condition. In your case, meet people and work with social exposure. Whilst doing so, don’t think about the person your talking to as a possible future partner, think about the content of their character and simply about whether you want to spend more time with them or not. Having the added pressure of time will only force you into bad relationships, which is not conducive to starting a family.

As for your difficulty in finding friends in Arlington and how that is causing you to suffer from depression, start by working towards finding one good friend. One single friend can help raise your mood levels tenfold and is also the door to future friendships.

For a more detailed answer to this question please watch the video above.

Philip Andersson

Life Coach

Cross Culture Therapy

@CCTphilip


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Philip Andersson – Counsellor

Philip Andersson is a life-coach who is currently studying to become a psychotherapist. He treats people suffering from depression, phobias and anxiety. Having been raised in Hong Kong and having lived in England and Japan as an adult, Philip also treats people who are overcome with feelings of displacement and rudderlessness associated with a global-nomad lifestyle such as Third Culture Kids, Cross Culture Kids, Migrants and Asylum Seekers.

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