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Depression Q & A: How To Avoid Fighting?

We are continuing with our weekly segment answering your questions about depression, anxiety, phobia and general life-problem. For the third edition of this segment, we are responding to questions for the website Quora. In the future, we hope to answer your questions, so please contact us via email or any of our social media accounts. All questions will be answered without using your name for reasons of anonymity.

How Do I Avoid Fighting In A Relationship?

Should you avoid fighting? A healthy relationship is one where you can disagree with your partner, be true to yourself and protect your integrity without feeling like you have to risk getting into a fight. This question is worded in such a way that it suggests that the person is worried about getting into a fight with their partner, or at the thought of their relationship ending because of a fight. Whereas the occasional fight is nothing to break up over, continuously fighting and overreacting to one another’s actions and opinions is symptomatic of a bad relationship.

With that said, there are ways of disagreeing with each other that are conducive to fights. This relates to the psychodynamic term, transaction analysis. TA refers to the roles we take in the fight. As a child we learn how to act as an authoritative parent by observing our parents. We also know instinctively how to play the child. When we fight as grown ups we tend to jostle for the role of the authoritative parent and react to it as a child would.

Authoritative Parent: How Could You?

Child: I hate you!

Instead, we need to learn the role of the adult. This person describes their feelings without putting any onus on the other persons actions. In other words they explain how they have processed the situation.

Adult: I feel sad. Please give me some time to process this.

What is it like to undergo depression? How does it feel? How does one deal with it? How important is it to be patient when dealing with depression?

Symptoms of a depression can vary. One clear sign of a depression is excessive introversion, shutting people off and staying indoors. Another symptom of depression is a loss of appetite, decreased physical activity and a change in personality (being less reactive to stimuli that used to get a reaction out of you). Physical pain is also a symptom. Feeling numb in the frontal lobe as well as a ringing pain in the back of the neck is a typical sign of depression.

Depression can be dealt with therapy sessions and at times through increased physical activity as well as eating foods that stimulate serotonin levels.

A common misconception with depression is that it sneaks up on you. It doesn’t. It develops over time and disappears slowly as well. There is no quick fix.

What We Do!

Cross Culture Therapy offers 1-on-1 online therapy sessions to people suffering from depression, phobia, anxiety as well as to people who suffer from displacement issues associated with a globally nomadic lifestyle (i.e.Third Culture Kids – people who have grown up in a culture different to their parent’s passport culture – and Cross Culture Kids) Our sessions are conducted via Skype for a duration of 50-minutes and can be purchased in packs of 1-session, 3-sessions or 5-sessions. If you are interested in purchasing a session, click on the Book A Session tab on our menu or click here.

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One week I’m up, energetic and happy then the next I’m depressed & have a hard time getting out of bed. I was diagnosed with depression, but do I have Bi-Polar Depression instead?

People suffering from bipolar disorder feel severe mood swings during the course of a few hours. They also feel manic highs where they can do drastic things such as shop compulsively or bake excessively. A lot of people forget those highs when considering themselves for a diagnosis. They realise that they feel down for certain periods then return to the level they are normally at and mistake this for a mood swing without going through the same manic high that people suffering from bipolar disorder do. In other words, based on your question, I do not think that you have bipolar disorder. In order to make a proper diagnosis, more information would of course be necessary.

How can depression be treated without taking anti-depression pills? I’m in my early 30s and my depression is getting worse. I want to learn how to deal with it or take something natural.

Instead of giving my usual answer about the benefits of therapy over anti-depressants I researched a few natural remedies for depression which could be interesting to share with you. Apparently, St. Johns Wort and Omega 3 Fatty Acids increase serotonin levels and make you feel happier. Research has proven that Saffron also have a positive impact on depression levels. Depression symptoms and symptoms of Zinc deficiency are also similar, so increasing your Zinc intake to 25mg a day could help. * This information was found in an article on

Based on previous experience with a client, symptoms of gluten intolerance share similarities with symptoms of depression, so changing your diet could help to but by all means get yourself checked-out first.

How can I deal with depression, anxiety and low self-esteem?

These are three different issues. Anxiety relates to problems in the future or near-future such as social-anxiety and can be treated through Acceptance & Commitment Therapy as well as mindfulness. Depression relates to aspects of your life that have caused you dis-ease. It may concern something that happened in your past and how it relates to who you are now as well as its impact on the future and is therefore much more complex. That is why psychodynamic therapy is much better suited to depression, since it examines the underlying problem instead of dealing with the symptoms of it. Low self-esteem comes from a reaction to a fundamental character flaw or you seeing a flaw where there isn’t one. This can also be treated during therapy sessions for depression as well as in Life-Coaching sessions or by finding people who help you reflect on your positive attributes as well as the positive aspects of your life.

Philip Andersson

Life Coach

Cross Culture Therapy


Depression Q & A: Is Optimism A Mental Illness?

I found this a very interesting question. Although I do not consider optimism to be a mental illness. I do want to stress society’s portrayal of happiness, optimism…

Third Culture Kid Homepage

Philip Andersson – Life Coach

Philip Andersson is a life-coach who is currently studying to become a psychotherapist. He treats people suffering from depression, phobias and anxiety. Having been raised in Hong Kong and having lived in England and Japan as an adult, Philip also treats people who are overcome with feelings of displacement and rudderlessness associated with a global-nomad lifestyle such as Third Culture Kids, Cross Culture Kids, Migrants and Asylum Seekers.

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